Sibling Arrivalry

Becoming a big brother or sister is usually not the first change in a child’s life.

Depending on the age, these hapless youngsters may have already weathered potty training and entry into daycare or kindergarten. Some may have even endured the agonies that adolescence can bring. Often, though, these supposed veterans experience real upheaval when a new sibling is introduced, bringing seismic changes—both happy and stressful—to bear where the child once felt most stable. The books below, fiction and nonfiction on birth and adoption for all age groups, embody the humor, insight, love, and openness needed for youngsters facing this life event.

Not Yet, Rose (Hill)
© 2009 by Nicole Rutten

Books on new siblings by birth cover many angles. Some of the boys and girls featured in these stories have older brothers or sisters and have grown used to being “the baby.” Others are only children (there’s even an only pig), and a few are teenagers who assumed they would remain solo. In still other cases, problems arise because the child had been excited about the baby but after the arrival feels let down, even angry. The nonfiction is similarly varied, covering pregnancy and birth but also what happens after—teaching the big brother or sister to help out as well as what to do when Mom and Dad are less available. Titles on adoption tend to be for the adoptee, not for their siblings, and they tend to jump from the how-we-found-you story to the should-I-search-or-not years, skipping the middle school audience almost entirely. Just like the books on birth, however, which reflect ever-morphing parenting philosophies, societal changes are borne out on the pages. Most notably, since foreign adoptions are up, books on placements from abroad, particularly from China, are ubiquitous. Readers from many varied families will find something in these works, which discuss the effects of secrecy, communication difficulties, feeling different, and legal frustrations, but, most of all, describe the love that develops no matter the child’s origin.

BIRTH

BARBER, Nicola. A New Baby Arrives! (The Big Day! Series). Rosen/PowerKids Pr. 2009. PLB $21.25. ISBN 978-1-4358-2842-1. PreS-Gr 1–Chapter spreads in this informative work cover the end of pregnancy to the baby’s first birthday, describing along the way many tasks that the older sibling can perform. Large color photos on every page depict families of various ethnicities, and a “Naming the Baby” spread discusses Hindu and Christian ceremonies. COCOVINI, Abby. What’s Inside Your Tummy, Mommy? illus. by author. Holt. 2008. pap. $8.95. ISBN 978-0-8050-8760-4. K-Gr 2–This attractive, oversize volume illustrates a baby’s growth for each month of pregnancy. Kids will enjoy activities such as shining a light on Mom’s tummy and observing the baby react and relate to comparisons such as “The baby is almost as big as a pumpkin.” A calendar strip on each page counts the baby’s age in days. COLE, Joanna. The New Baby at Your House. rev. ed. photos by Margaret Miller. HarperCollins. 1998. Tr. $16.99. ISBN 978-0-688-13897-4; PLB $15.89. ISBN 978-0-688-13898-1; pap. $6.99. ISBN 978-0-688-16698-4. PreS-Gr 2–Cole’s opening note to parents provides helpful advice, from how to inform children about the pregnancy to teaching them to be gentle with the baby. Following that, large, clear color photographs of children of various ethnicities with their new siblings are accompanied by tidbits suggesting what new babies can do and how to get along with the new arrival. HARRIS, Robie H. It’s So Amazing!: A Book About Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families. illus. by Michael Emberley. Candlewick. 1999. Tr $22.99. ISBN 978-0-7636-0051-8. pap. $12.99. ISBN 978-0-7636-1321-1. K-Gr 4–Every possible question older siblings might have about how the baby came into being, and more, are answered and amusingly illustrated in this plainly written, oversize book. Harris addresses such topics as “Egg+Sperm=Baby,” “What’s Inside? What’s Outside?: Male [or Female] Parts,” “Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are: Birth,” and “Gurgles and Drools.” HENKES, Kevin. Julius, the Baby of the World. illus. by author. HarperCollins/Greenwillow. 1990. Tr. $16.99. ISBN 978-0-688-08943-6; PLB $17.89. ISBN 978-0-688-08944-3; pap. $6.99. ISBN 978-0-688-14388-6. PreS-K–This colorful, lively work is for kids who were excited before the baby came but find the reality “disgusting.” Though Mom and Dad think Julius is enchanting, sister Lily can’t believe what he gets away with and is incensed by his habits. When cousin Gertrude expresses the same opinions, however, Lily is suddenly, and fiercely, protective. HILL, Susanna Leonard. Not Yet, Rose. illus. by Nicole Rutten. Eerdmans. 2009. RTE $16.50. ISBN 978-0-8028-5326-4. PreS-K–A young hamster embodies the excitement, ambivalence, and impatience that accompany gaining a new sibling. First she wants a sister, then a brother, then no baby at all. Her nervousness peaks until she is entirely enthralled by her new brother grasping her finger. Endearing watercolors illustrate Rose’s shifting views on big-sisterhood. MACLACHLAN, Patricia. More Perfect Than the Moon. HarperCollins/Joanna Cotler Bks. 2004. Tr $14.99. ISBN 978-0-06-027558-7; PLB $15.89. ISBN 978-0-06-027559-4; pap. $4.99. ISBN 978-0-06-075179-1. Gr 3-5–In this fourth book in MacLachlan’s “Sarah, Plain and Tall” series, Cassie learns that her mother is not dangerously ill, as she had feared, but pregnant. The third grader decides to hate the “terrible baby” and is frightened that Mama will die in childbirth like Papa’s first wife. Audio version available from HarperChildren’s Audio. MORRIS, Richard. Bye-Bye, Baby! illus. by Larry Day. Walker. 2009. Tr. $16.99. ISBN 978-0-8027-9772-8; RTE $17.89. ISBN 978-0-8027-9773-5. K-Gr 2–Poncho the toy donkey is enough for Felix, who doesn’t want his baby sister. A zoo outing when the girl is about one provides ideas for getting rid of her, but when Felix balks at leaving, it’s his sister who finds a way to soothe him. Funny text and realistic pen-and-ink with watercolor and gouache illustrations gently depict a boy dealing with prolonged jealousy. SALTZBERG, Barney. Cornelius P. Mud, Are You Ready for Baby? illus. by author. Candlewick. 2009. Tr. $15.99. ISBN 978-0-7636-3596-1. PreS-Gr 1–Cornelius’s new brother is no fun. Can he play? Talk? Walk? “No,” replies Mother on spread after spread, “not yet!” The older piglet wants to send the baby back, until Mom comes up with something the siblings can enjoy together. Humorous cartoons and a sing-along ending make this book a hit. SEARS, William, Martha Sears, & Christie Watts Kelly. What Baby Needs. illus. by Renée W. Andriani. Little, Brown. 2001. Tr. $12.99. ISBN 978-0-316-78828-1. PreS-Gr 2–Attachment parenting, a popular philosophy developed by Dr. William Sears, encourages parents to remain physically close to their babies in various ways. This book for older siblings of such infants describes what they will experience when the new baby arrives. Straightforward text and information boxes describe such topics as co-sleeping and nursing (discreetly shown in the cartoonlike images) and how the older child can still enjoy Mom and Dad time. Includes notes to parents. THOMAS, Shelley Moore. A Baby’s Coming to Your House! photos by Eric Futran. Albert Whitman. 2001. PLB $15.95. ISBN 978-0-8075-0502-1. PreS-Gr 2–Thomas’s amusing crash course, illustrated with numerous adorable photographs, teaches essentials such as how to carry a soiled diaper and how to hold a baby. Dire warnings are provided: get used to baby talk, there might be more than one infant, and don’t wake the newcomer (Mommy will be cranky). VAMOS, Samantha R.Before You Were Here, Mi Amor. illus. by Santiago Cohen. Viking. 2009. RTE $15.99. ISBN 978-0-670-006301-7. PreS-Gr 2–When Mom is expecting, siblings have questions about the time before their own arrival, and this book, liberally sprinkled with Spanish words and phrases, helps with answers. Children will be reassured by the love evident in the jewel-toned illustrations and the message that they were anticipated with the same joy as the baby to come. CREECH, Sharon. Heartbeat. HarperCollins/Joanna Cotler Bks. 2004. Tr $15.99. ISBN 978-0-06-054022-7; PLB $16.89. ISBN 978-0-06-054023-4; pap. $5.99. ISBN 978-0-06-054024-1. Gr 4-7–In this touching novel in verse, 12-year-old Annie anticipates the birth of her brother with wonder and a little trepidation, while enduring pressure from her peers to join their running team. A close boy and girl friendship that could turn out to be more will keep readers turning the pages to the nail-biting birth scene. Audio version available from Recorded Books. DESSEN, Sarah. Along for the Ride. Viking. 2009. Tr $19.99. ISBN 978-0-670-01194-0. Gr 8 Up–Auden’s spending the last summer before college with her father and stepmother and their new baby, eschewing her usual activities of attending events for high achievers. Shocked by her Dad’s failure to pitch in, her stepmother’s postpartum depression, and just how much a baby can scream, the teen confronts some realities about her family and her place in it. Audio version available from Penguin Audio. HARRIS, Robie H. It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health. illus. by Michael Emberley. Candlewick. 2009. Tr $22.99. ISBN 978-0-7636-4483-3; pap. $12.99. ISBN 978-0-7636-4484-0. Gr 4-8–This excellent, cartoon-laden work includes a “Families and Babies” section that covers the myriad kinds of families into which a baby can arrive, the responsibilities involved in having a child and why it’s best to wait, as well as genetics, sex, pregnancy, and birth. A chapter on “Other Arrivals” covers adoption, in vitro fertilization, and artificial insemination. JACKSON, Donna M. Twin Tales: The Magic and Mystery of Multiple Births. Little, Brown/Megan Tingley Bks. 2001. RTE $16.95. ISBN 978-0-316-45431-5. Gr 3-6–In this fascinating overview, Jackson introduces many duos, including famous ones; discusses related history and mythology; and explains well-known and rare traits. Vignettes on pregnancy and infancy portray premature babies who ultimately thrived, allowing siblings to learn about life in neonatal intensive care. LOWRY, Lois. Anastasia Krupnik. Yearling. 1984. pap. $5.99. 978-0-440-40852-9. Gr 4-6–Making lists of things she loves and hates is Anastasia’s favorite pastime. But when her parents announce that a baby’s on the way, the fourth grader realizes that her list is overdue for some changes. Reluctant siblings-to-be might just be swayed by Lowry’s lively, memorable characters and their spot-on emotions. Audio version available from Recorded Books. SYDOR, Colleen. My Mother Is a French Fry and Further Proof of My Fuzzed-up Life. Kids Can/KCP Fiction. 2008. Tr $17.95. ISBN 978-1-55453-183-7; pap. $8.95. ISBN 978-1-55453-184-4. Gr 8-10–It isn’t embarrassing enough that Eli’s mom dresses up as a promotional French fry, now she’s a “pregnant French fry with permanent PMS.” Appalled by her mother’s behavior, the teen becomes increasingly angry. A public breakdown causes Eli’s family to realize that she hasn’t fully dealt with their baby’s crib death years earlier.

ADOPTION

ANONYMOUS. Motherbridge of Love. illus. by Josée Masse. Barefoot. 2007. Tr $16.99. ISBN 978-1-84686-047-8. PreS-Gr 3–A thought-provoking poem contrasts the love of a Chinese birth mother and a Western adoptive mom. Emphasizing that they are different but essential, the anonymous author explains, “One gave you emotions;/the other calmed your fears./One saw your first sweet smile;/the other dried your tears.” Accompanied by a simplified-Chinese translation and warm, acrylic illustrations. FRIEDMAN, Darlene. Star of the Week: A Story of Love, Adoption, and Brownies with Sprinkles. illus. by Roger Roth. unpaged. HarperCollins/Bowen Press. 2009. Tr. $17.99. ISBN 978-0-06-114136-2; PLB $18.89. ISBN 978-0-06-114137-9. K-Gr 3–Six-year-old Cassidy-Li’s first-person narrative of belonging in America while being sometimes-proud-sometimes-sad about her adoption rings true. Making a poster for school, she realizes that she has no photos of her birth parents. Her solution illustrates an adoptee taking charge of her story. Realistic cartoons include a crayon drawing by the author’s daughter, the real Cassidy-Li. GIRARD, Lind Walvoord. We Adopted You, Benjamin Koo. illus. by Linda Shute. Albert Whitman. 1992. pap. $6.95. ISBN 978-0-8075-8695-2. Gr 2-4–Adopted by an American family and later joined by a sister from Brazil, fourth-grader Benjamin knows that his Korean “first mother” loved him because she left him for caring people to find. With colorful cartoons on every page, this memoir takes readers through the adoption process, concentrating on what kids will find important. KASZA, Keiko. A Mother for Choco. illus. by author. Putnam. 1992. Tr $16.99. ISBN 978-0-399-21841-5. PreS-K–Little bird Choco can’t find a Mommy who looks just like him. Noting his loneliness, Mrs. Bear asks what his Mommy would do to help; then they decide together that Choco will join her and her different-species brood at home. The bright, expressive watercolors and simple story will resonate with children from diverse adoptive circumstances. KATZ, Karen. Over the Moon: An Adoption Tale. illus by author. Holt. 1997. Tr $17.95. ISBN 978-0-8050-5013-4. PreS-Gr 1–Though Katz’s dreamy title was inspired by her trip to Central America to adopt her daughter, her text and folk art depict a generic tropical location. Children will enjoy hearing about how friends and family pestered the prospective parents with pleas to know when the baby was coming, and about how the family settled down later. LEWIS, Rose A. I Love You Like Crazy Cakes. illus by Jane Dyer. Little, Brown. 2000. RTE $16.99. ISBN 978-0-316-52538-1. PreS-Gr 1–Love blossoms between a mother and her adopted daughter, opening with the baby waiting in a Chinese orphanage, covering the application and first meeting, and closing with the two together back home. The story, accompanied by beautiful watercolors with Chinese-style elements, emphasizes that the pairing sadly was made possible by another, less fortunate mother. Video and CD version available from Weston Woods. LIVINGSTON, Carole. “Why Was I Adopted?”: The Facts of Adoption with Love and Illustrations. illus. by Arthur Robins. Lyle Stuart. 2000. pap. ISBN 978-0-8184-0588-4. Gr 2-4–Embellished with zany cartoons, this title will leave readers with a little on a lot–intra-family adoption, agencies, and brief explanations for some of the reasons for giving up or taking in a child–without overwhelming them. Especially useful is the thorough question-and-answer section, addressing worries that can be hard for children to pose to parents. OKIMOTO, Jean Davies & Elaine M. Aoki. The White Swan Express: A Story About Adoption. illus by Meilo So. Clarion. 2002. RTE $16. ISBN 978-0-618-16453-0. K-Gr 3–Three couples, including one same-sex couple, and a single mom nervously travel from the United States and Canada to China to collect their precious girls. Text and watercolor illustrations lovingly depict the uniqueness of the babies even as they are “dressed exactly alike” and sleeping in identical cribs while they await their new families. RODOWSKY, Colby. Ben and the Sudden Too-Big Family. Farrar. 2007. Tr. $16. ISBN 978-0-374-30658-8. Gr 3–5–Easygoing Ben is upended when his dad marries Casey and her extended clan. After the family threesome travels to China to adopt Maude Mingmei, a quirky friendship helps Ben to settle into, and even enjoy, the mayhem. Kindle version available. YOUNG, Ed. My Mei Mei. illus. by author. Philomel. 2006. RTE $16.99. ISBN 978-0-399-24339-4. PreS-Gr 2–Antonia, adopted from China as an infant, enjoys playing Jieh-Jieh (big sister) with Mommy and Daddy and is indulged by her imaginary Mei Mei (younger sister). Soon the family returns for a real Mei Mei. The siblings’ realistic relationship is warmly illustrated in gouache, pastel, and collage. HAUGEN, David M. & Matthew J. Box, eds. Adoption. (Social Issues Firsthand Series). Gale/Greenhaven. 2005. PLB $28.70. ISBN 978-0-7377-2881-1. Gr 8 Up–With chapters on “Giving Up a Child for Adoption,” “Choosing to Adopt,” “Adoptee Experiences,” and “Searching for and Reuniting with Birth Mothers,” this essay collection describes rarely covered experiences, such as regaining custody as a birth father. It also offers the perspective of journalist Dan Savage, a gay man who welcomed a child through open adoption. HOLLYER, Belinda. Secrets, Lies, and My Sister Kate. 135p. Holiday House. 2009. Tr. $16.95. ISBN 978-0-8234-2179-4. Gr 6-9–A lovably nerdy geography buff and sibling of an adoptee exposes the perils of secrecy, the difficulty of living with warring parents, and the joys of best friends and big sisters. Readers meet the almost-teen’s dad, who was also adopted and who reveals the seldom-acknowledged truth that even older adoptees may have misgivings about their origins. KENT, Rose. Kimchi & Calamari. 220p. HarperCollins. 2007. Tr. $15.99. ISBN 978-0-06-083769-3; PLB $16.89. ISBN 978-0-06-083770-9. Gr 4-7–Joseph, adopted from South Korea as an infant, struggles to establish his identity in a tradition-loving Italian-American family. After years of hearing well-intentioned recitations of his fairy tale coming-to-America story, Joseph longs to learn more. An assignment prompts him to trace his roots (and to get into some creative fiction of his own). Kindle version available. MCKAY, Hilary. Saffy’s Angel. S & S/Margaret K. McElderry Bks. 2001. RTE $16.99. ISBN 978-0-689-84933-6; pap. $5.99. ISBN 978-0-689-84934-3. Gr 4-6–Saffron is different. Her siblings’ names appear on the family’s paint chart, but hers doesn’t. Learning that her mother’s sister took her in after she was orphaned comes just before a mysterious inheritance from her grandfather. Though Saffy’s family can’t quite grasp why she’s upset, their encouragement reassures her place in their topsy-turvy world. Audio version available from Listening Library. SLADE, Suzanne. Adopted: The Ultimate Teen Guide. #20. photos by Chris Washburn. illus. by Christopher Papile, Mary Sandage, & Odelia Witt. (It Happened to Me Series). Scarecrow. 2007. Tr $45. ISBN 978-0-8108-5774-2. Gr 9 Up–Slade offers candid interviews with, and answers questions from, adopted adolescents, interspersed with illuminating commentary from birth mothers, social workers, lawyers, and others. The book focuses especially on the before and after “the search,” but also includes useful chapters on many aspects of adopted teens’ experience, such as “Fitting In” and “Adopted at an Older Age.” VERBRUGGE, Allen, ed. Adoption. (Contemporary Issues Companion Series). Gale. 2006. PLB $34.95. ISBN 978-0-7377-2440-0; pap. $23.70. ISBN 978-0-7377-2441-7. Gr 8 Up–Some of these for-and-against essays (“Gay Adoption Can Negatively Impact Children,” “The Benefits of Open Adoption”) allow adoptees to become more informed on issues they are already aware of; others (“Exporting Black Babies Through Foreign Adoptions,” “Adopting a Teenager”) discuss less mainstream aspects of adoption culture.

On the Web

For students: Adoption. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/adoption.html. Dealing With Feelings. http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/index.html. KidsHealth. The Nemours Foundation. (Accessed 12/22/09). Gr 3 Up–Among this site’s many useful, plainly written features are sections on how to deal with the feelings that arise when mom is pregnant or when your family grows through adoption. For teachers and other adults: The Adoption History Project. www.uoregon.edu/~adoption/index.html. Ellen Herman, Department of History, University of Oregon. (Accessed 12/22/09). Covering adoption history in 35 categories, this fascinating, accessible resource includes information on “African-American Adoptions,” “Indian Adoption Project,” and “Telling.” It also boasts a time line, document archive, and an extensive further-reading list. Child Welfare Information Gateway. www.childwelfare.gov/adoption. Children’s Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (Accessed 12/22/09). The material here is of use to adoptees and their families, and includes advice on how to search for birth families and how to absorb the lasting impact of adoption on all involved. Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. www.adoptioninstitute.org. Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. (Accessed 12/22/09). The “Educating the Educators” section of this non-profit adoption-reform group’s site provides a list of training programs and a resource guide for those who work with adoptees in schools and wish to treat them with sensitivity. Pact, An Adoption Alliance. www.pactadopt.org. Pact, An Adoption Alliance. (Accessed 12/22/09). Pact is a non-profit organization whose goal is “to serve US-born African American, Latino, Asian, and multiracial children in need of adoption.” The “Adopted People” page offers an especially useful list of articles on adoption and race.

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